Blog

I didn't realize that so much time has passed since my last blog post! So much for making it a weekly thing...hhhmmm. Well, I could use the holidays as an excuse, so I will:), but now it's the end of January! I said I'd share my struggles as a full time artist with you, so this balancing act of painting and the business side of art (which includes blogging, sending out my newsletter which I finally did, entering shows, marketing, research, bookkeeping) continues to be a big challenge for me.

I have also joined the Board fo Directors of the Studio Channels Islands Art Center where my studio is located, which takes up some time but is worth it. I wanted to get involved to learn all I could about our art organization and to help make it grow. To that end, I also started posting regular Facebook posts called "Live from the Studios" featuring one artist each weekday creating their work. Yes, it requires some time, but I have also very much enjoyed getting to know each of our many artists and learn about their work. I want to give my friends and fans great art to view and if that happens to be by someone other than me, that's okay. I stopped viewing other artists as competition a long time ago, because it can make one crazy and only diminishes our self esteem even more. I do my best to think of it as a comraderie and that there is enough room in the world for all of our art. The more people start seeing art and realizing how much value it adds to their environment, the more they lose their intimidation by it and understand that yes, even a person with an average income can afford to buy original art, the better it is for all of us in the creative fields. I also believe in the whole karma thing "What goes around, comes around", "What you put out, you will get in return", so I'd rather help promote my fellow artists than view them as the competition. I'd honestly love it if one of my peeps bought one of their creations! Maybe one of their collectors will purchase one of mine in the future, who knows, and if they don't that's ok, too.

On the creating side, it's been a bit of a struggle lately. I was busy for quite a while with a large traditional commissioned portrait of three half figures. I find these difficult because I don't feel as free to put more emphasis on one person over the next, like I would do in my personal work to create a dynamic composition. I'd bring out one person as a focal point and push the others back more, but I just can't do that when it comes to three siblings! Wouldn't want to create any kind of sibling rivalry and want to keep my client (their father) happy. Well, he is very happy with the piece and I'm now working on some new personal pieces before starting the next commission.

And that's where I really started to struggle. One can get paralyzed facing a new sheet of paper or canvas...the possibilities are so endless. I could work on some more Small Treasures, maybe some sea- and landscapes from my recent trip up the coast through Big Sur, or I could add to my series on teen issues. I worked my way through hundreds of reference photos, printed out a bunch, painted a few small ones only to become more and more unsatisfied. This in turn affected my confidence even more and I started to seriously doubt myself. Here I was making this major life transition from a full time job with benefits to being a full time artist with studio rent to pay and I couldn't come up with anything exciting? I could feel panic rising in me, and it took all I had to just KEEP THE FAITH. I have been through these valleys before and I KNOW there is always a mountaintop coming up in the near future.

Julia Cameron, the author of the classic "The Artist's Way" had this to say: "CHOP is necessary. Chop means you're growing, chop is a period of creative vulnerability in which your style shifts, becomes malleable and porous...in other words: open to inspiration!"

I have this quote written in my sketchbook and refer to it whenever I feel unsure of where I'm going. 

So, the only thing to do, no matter how hard, is to keep working, keep showing up whether we feel like it or not, whether we have an idea for the next piece or not. In the doing of it, those automatic actions of taking out the sketchpad and pencil, stretching that canvas, mixing up some paint, applying a few strokes on the paper...it starts to flow. And even if the flow creates nothing we are happy with, keep going, take out that next sheet of paper and start anew. I like to repeat this mantra to myself whenever I am attempting something new and scary: "Just do it, don't judge it". I believe this is also Julia Cameron's advice. The judging is reserved for later, if you do it while in the process of creating it will paralyze you with fear and doubt.

After another small piece failed to meet my standards I decided to do some life drawing and asked my daughter Sam to come model for me. I figured I can always hone my skills that way and it doesn't have to end up for sale. Well, she was tired and kept yawning and fidgeting, so after an hour I gave up. It was very hard to get into the zone this way. I don't blame her, it was the end of the day for her and sitting as a model is not easy. But even in that one hour, I learned a lot, was reminded to look for those lost edges, where the subject blurs into the background, to check angles, etc. It was NOT wasted time even though it did not produce a finished drawing.

The next day, I visited with other artists and shared my frustrations. I got advice about surfaces and framing (my materials and out of pocket costs having been part of my recent misgivings) and went back to work with renewd energy. I love being at an art center with so many other artists for this reason alone!

And all of a sudden I had a vision of what I wanted to do next which is to produce some small paintings along the lines of my Small Treasures series, meaning they are very budget friendly because they are so small and I'm selling them unframed, but still feature people. I saw the first piece clearly in my mind, and you can see here. I wanted to explore leaving a large area of the painting light, to achieve a more graphic look, and I quite like it. The title Angel in Waiting presented itself before I even started. It's a reference to the wing shape of the steam in the mirror, but also refers to the girl herself. So often young women do not see the angels they truly are, just waiting to be let out of hiding. 

Once I post this, I'm off to the studio. There are two meetings to attend and a new client to photograph, but I already have the next painting started and am excited to get to it. I'm climbing my way out of the valley!