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This week I attended the funeral of a friend who only came into my life about a year ago. Yet she gave me a gift to last a lifetime. I would like to share this gift with you, whether you are an artist or not, but I find it especially worth while for those of us in creative fields.

Pat had been battling cancer for many years and recently became acutely aware that her time here was coming to an end. She had seen my work and wanted to give her husband a last birthday gift: an “Up Close & Personal” portrait of herself for him to see each day when she was no longer in their home. His birthday is in December and we had planned to do a photo shoot soon. Then things very quickly took a turn for the worse and it became necessary that the portrait be completed as soon as possible. It was no longer an option to take some new reference photos of Pat, because even though she did not want to look like her younger self before she became ill, she also did not want to have a lasting image of her current state.  Fortunately, our good friend Joyce had taken some great shots of Pat about a year prior and I was able to use one of them. To say that I felt enormous pressure to take on this task, to do Pat justice, to capture her likeness and personality to last beyond her years, after only knowing her a short while is an understatement. The expectations were huge and I was extremely nervous. It was such an honor to be chosen to fulfill this wish but my self-doubt was overwhelming. I had to find a balance between painting the Pat whom I never knew but her family remembered so well, the healthy woman I only saw in older pictures, and the more recent Pat who was still so incredibly full of life, beauty and joy yet did show signs of the cruel disease of cancer and its treatments. 

Here is a very personal confession about my creative process:

I start each painting session by asking for help. Help from whomever or whatever is out there that would like to help me create this next work of art. Elizabeth Gilbert (of “Eat, Pray, Love” fame) gave a very inspiring TED talk that I urge every artist to view.  It explores the idea that our own “talent” is limited, and that there are other helping hands at work when we show up at our easels or desks. Call it the Muse, the Universe, God, Angels, Spirit Guides, whatever you wish, but I do believe that there are resources available to us beyond our own earthly limits. I have seen it work again and again…WHEN I have allowed it! When I get out of the way, my own willful way, and open up my heart, mind and spirit to whatever would like to come into my studio and paint with me, through me, AS me, it never fails to produce a successful painting. It is only when I forget to ask for help or worse, override the intuition that follows, that I will struggle with a piece much longer than necessary. I have even gone so far as to “speak” to departed ones whose portrait I was commissioned to paint post-humously, to ask them to come join me and help me get their likeness right, help me capture their personality on paper. I may lose a few readers here, and I normally do not talk about my spiritual beliefs with just anyone out of that very same fear of alienating anyone, but I hope you keep on reading.

So, on this Sunday, after dropping my non-artistic plans for the day, I rushed to the studio to paint Pat’s portrait, her gift to her beloved husband Bob, so that she would still have time to present it to him herself, most likely before his actual birthday. I asked for help and talked to Pat in my mind in a light hearted way throughout the painting process.  From previous experience I have learned to trust the process, shut out the negative talk, let the other voices come in, the ones from my Higher Self, the authentic ones, not the ones spoken by the ego.  I am humbled to have been given the gift to create paintings that touch others, but the only credit I take is that I have worked hard to develop my technical and emotional skills, and most of all my spiritual skills. My skill set includes trusting my intuition which is really that voice from above. I learned over time to trust that voice during the painting process when again and again my mind told my hand to reach for one color, but then changed direction at the last second to pick up a completely different color, one that my rational mind would not have chosen but turned out to be the perfect fit for what I needed.

And what can I tell you? Never before have I finished a portrait as quickly, as successfully. Each pastel stick I picked up was the right color, the right value. This NEVER happens to me! Each stroke I laid down was the right one. The portrait flowed from my hands with an ease that was pure delight and had nothing to do with my own skills or talent. Yes, I had a part in it, the part of showing up to do the work and being well prepared with materials, skill and mind set, but mostly I consider myself to have been the instrument through which the creative process flowed to produce the finished artwork.

I believe we are given a certain amount of talent and desire to pursue the arts and we then have to work hard to enhance our skills. However, the most important part of putting those talents and skills to use is when we make ourselves AVAILABLE, when we show up day after day to face the white paper, the empty canvas, the quiet instrument  and then STEP OUT OF OUR OWN WAY, to let the creative energy that created us and all that is around us in the first place flow through us freely, unencumbered, without the stumbling blocks of our strong will and ego. That more than anything is the difficult part of creating art. We are so eager to embrace a successful piece of art as OUR creation, to feel those blissful moments of confidence and pat ourselves on the shoulder for a job well done, love receiving the accolades and awards. Yet, the reverse side then also has to be true: we have to own the failures, take it personally when we get rejected or see the flaws in our painting, doubt our skills when the music or words just don’t flow as we’d like. How much lighter we can feel if, when we step up to the plate well prepared and available, we just “let go and let God” (or The Muse, The Universe, the angels, whatever term you like)! Place the credit AND blame elsewhere, as Ms. Gilbert suggests in her talk.

After Pat’s portrait was completed in record time, framed in record time as well (the framer “just happened” to have all materials and the time available to frame the piece overnight) and presented to her husband, I received an enormous amount of praise and compliments from everyone who saw it and knew Pat, including her children and her husband who named it “Bob’s Forever”. Bob called to tell me personally that he derived great comfort from the portrait, that I captured her spirit and he felt she was with him in their home.

The painting was printed on sweatshirts for “Team Pat” members, a circle of her closest friends who had been by her side during her difficult journey. When Pat passed away just a few days ago, the portrait was posted by several people on Facebook. It was also printed on the brochures for her memorial service as you can see at the top. I say this all very matter of factly, because I have no words to describe how humbled and grateful I feel. To say it was an honor is totally inadequate. I know for certain that I did not paint that portrait alone. Pat was right there in my studio with me, even though physically she was at home.

The fact that her friends, family and Pat herself, chose to use an image of the painted portrait on the shirts and brochures, NOT the photo which was used as my reference for the painting in the first place, should quiet all the critics who say you cannot capture a person’s spirit if you’re painting from a photograph and not directly from life. I understand what they mean but respectfully disagree. I have seen paintings done from life that contained none, and paintings done from photographs which were full of it! It is indeed possible to infuse paintings done from photos with life, even those we did not take ourselves,  as long as we open ourselves up and allow that creative life energy to flow through us. While skill, technique and the connection between artist and subject are important, there is one more component that needs to be present: A third connection, a connection to the Whole, the Source of Everything, the Muse, the Universe, God if you will, without which true life is lacking in anything we do. How is it possible that the family, Pat and the photographer herself felt that the painting embodied Pat’s spirit more than the photograph? That’s not due to my technical abilities. You have to engage your heart and spirit, make that connection not only to your subject, but the connection to the Everything! That's when paintings become more than pieces of art, when art truly becomes what it is possible of being, a small miracle, a connection between us, other living beings and The One. With that Third Connection we can become the artist we are capable of being, the person we wish to become in all that we do. When we trust, let go and let things flow, small miracles occur and our needs are met.

So, try  getting quiet before starting a new painting or any work or new challenge for that matter. Meditate or pray, sing, hum or chant, visualize opening  your heart and mind and offer it up. Become the vessel for "IT" to work through you, as you.

I'm grateful that Pat came into my life, even for only a short time. Her greatest gift to me besides being able to witness her strength, courage, perseverance and love of life, was to reaffirm my purpose, that I’m on the right path. The affirmation that all is possible if I allow it. Only I can stop that flow. The gift of knowing that the gift of art in my life was no accident or fluke, which I can still tell myself on a bad day of painting. I was absolutely meant to do this, to create this work, and that I will absolutely receive any and all help that is required if I just step out of the way. Let “them” create that which needs to be brought into the world, which brings joy, smiles and comfort to others.

Pat's gift to me was to reinforce that belief, that all I have to do is show up and work hard, have faith, take my earthly self out of it, let my higher self and whoever else wants to take over.  This does not mean that I will succeed at everything I touch, but that’s okay, too. I can still declare each day as my favorite day from now on, as Pat was fond of saying (another gift she left us, see image below)!

 I thank God for bringing Pat into my life during the last phase of hers and I thank Pat for bringing me such a gift by the seemingly simple act of asking me to paint her portrait.